Write the opening to a pirate story without using the words PIRATE, PATCH, ARR,  MATEY, PEGLEG or SHIP.

The bottomless ocean opened up and Brian, the sea god of nastiness and colds, came out and took all his play toys away.  Towering fifty stories in the air, not to mention his toes that were under the waves, Brian was happy with his work.  Nothing was left, not even a rubber ducky to sail the seven or eight seas.  Then to Brian’s shock, a lone vessel came skipping along the sea shore right smack dab towards him.  Brian couldn’t understand how this could be.  Then again, he was the sea god of nastiness and colds, and not of brains or brawn. In any case, there was no doubt that Brian had missed one of his toys.  The god looked dumbfounded as drool dropped from his mouth.  In itself, this was nothing to be alarmed at.  Brian was dumbfounded quite often.  Remember he was the sea god of nastiness and colds, not of thinking, nor manners.  Where were we? Oh yes, upon looking closely at the toy that got away, the mighty sea god noticed that upon its mast was a black flag with a skull and crossbones on it.  

- Jason Margolies